Life with my father has been nothing short of disappointing and disillusioning. I had recently believed that we were making progress and building a kind of friendship. I will be honest, my friends treat me better than the man in which I share DNA.
Last week was an amazing time for me. The week before had been very stressful and difficult, so I was due for a reprieve. Thinking back to last week gives me shivers. It started with a random act of kindness, and only got better.
On Tuesday, I was sent an e-mail from an instructor (friend) from a class that recently ended. He forwarded some amazing and humbling thoughts that a fellow student wrote about me and my contribution to our class. He wanted to show me that I make a difference in the world. Maybe my impact isn’t as far reaching as some, but in my own way, I am able to inspire others. Since I am considered a “non-traditional” college student (mid-thirties), I had been feeling withdrawn and isolated from the young kids. I wanted to learn from them and I did. What I hadn’t anticipated on, was what they were learning from me. The e-mail sent me into an emotional place, and yes, I did cry. I was grateful to be noticed.
The next day, I was given two phenomenal letters of recommendation to accompany a scholarship application.The letters were to address my educational and personal attributes. Well, once again, I was speechless. The way these people see me is beyond anything I’ve ever known. It seems, at times, we bustle through life, moving from one thing to the next without hesitation. In the midst of my bustling, these instructors noticed me in a very beautiful light.
As if that weren’t plenty of good for this girl, I won first place in an essay contest. For many, that wouldn’t be much of a coup. For me, however, it is the beginning of bigger dreams. Last fall, I’d entered the essay in a different contest and came away with an Honorable Mention nod. Like the writer I am, I read the manuscript and added what was missing. This first place finish was the reward for going deeper. It is a controversial and gut wrenching read, but the judges managed to see the art of my words. As a writer, this was my greatest moment to date.
This brings me back to my father. After sharing my happiness with my friends and instructors, I called my daddy. No matter how old a girl gets, she always seeks approval and affirmation from her father. I called him on the phone to tell him about my week. I said, ” Dad, guess what? One of my essays won first place!” The line was silent, then I heard rustling. Disinterest. “Good for you.” Despite his detatched reaction, I continued on and told him about the cash prize and going on to the national competition. “Can I call you back?” What! Call me back? I’m sharing a major moment of personal triumph here!
Six days later, he still hasn’t called. More of the same. When will I learn?
