Archive for September, 2008
{ September 19, 2008 @ 9:20 pm }
·
{ Random Ramblings }
{ Tags: Autism, bipolar, culture, family, funny, home, humor, kids, life, love, medication, mental health, Parenting, personal, random, random thoughts, relationships, therapy, thoughts, women, writing }
·
{ }
I’ve just returned from a shocking day with Magic Doug and Dr. B. Wow, although it helps to finally have a name to put on my “Tinaness,” Type II Bipolar wasn’t on my list of possibilities. I try to think of my diagnosis as just a collective name to all my symptoms, not the label of a major mental illness. Hmmm…I’m pretty smart, and may not be able to hide behind this path of reasoning for long.
In a nutshell, and to spare all of my devoted readers the gory and intense details, all of the pieces finally fit together to make the collective whole. I think this is something people like me dream of. I’ve spent years trying to figure out and find insight to my reactions, mood swings, manic episodes, anxiety, and depression. Well, actually, looking at the list I just made, why didn’t I consider bipolar sooner? Well, its always easier to project out, right?
My treatment plan, medication and therapy, will now be altered a bit. I am optimistic that Dr. B and Magic Doug will be the key in helping me live a healthier life, both mentally and emotionally. I’m thankful there are individuals with the education and smarts to help people like me. The blessings keep coming!
For now, Magic Doug and I will be focusing on how to de-stress my world, keeping in mind my external reality of raising a bipolar & asperger child, as well as a diva. Doug was very profound in his observation that “A fifteen item to-do list is not acceptable, but a three item list is.” Amen to that! I look forward to the days that I can live in the moment, feel contentment, and get off this cluster-fuck of emotion. A girl has to dream big!
Peace and love to all mental health professionals! 
{ September 17, 2008 @ 2:14 am }
·
{ Random Ramblings }
{ Tags: career, classroom, college, culture, education, funny, home, humor, life, love, magazines, personal, publishing, relationships, stress, teaching, women, work, writing }
·
{ }
Its only Tuesday, and I already wish this week to be over! Is there such a thing as too much opportunity?!
This semester, I’m taking sixteen credit hours, something I’ve never done. This killer schedule came about as graduation looms on the December horizon. Not only do I need to fulfill some transfer requirements, but I also needed one extra Honors course to secure my Honors Certificate. Graduating without this was NOT an option, hence the killer schedule was born.
Monday I have three classes between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. This week, I spent my only break time guest speaking in a freshman composition class. I embrace these opportunities as they allow me to practice my speaking, teaching, and informing skills. Speaking in this capacity has helped build my confidence, thus making my message clear and credible. I spoke to a new group of freshman today during another break in classes. Needless to say, its only Tuesday and I’m toast! Unfortunately, I have two more days, and three classes to go before I can officially tell this week to take a hike. I hope this is all worth it in the end!
Adding to the stress of school, are my other ventures. First, there is my position working as a consultant for Delta College’s Writing Center Cafe. My first day is next Monday, and I’m very excited to be a part of this much-needed enterprise. And of course, whenever I get excited, something always arises to give my bubble a slow leak. I received an e-mail yesterday informing me that the training for my position requires the purchase of a textbook, and homework! What?! This was never discussed with me when I initially volunteered, and actually, I was told that since I’ve been in the Peer Mentor program, I didn’t need training. Well, now I am in the position of finding some miraculous way to pay for said textbook and add more stress to my schedule, or let a host of people down and bow out gracefully. Since this project is being headed up by my future (crossing my fingers) boss, I’m going to suck it up and find a way. It sucks all the way around!
Then, I have my freelance writing job. The project was bid at approximately 20 hrs. per week. I just submitted an invoice for 24 hours…for a two week period! There are two issues to think about here. First, am I working at a pace that is on target and productive toward our overall goal? Second, do I need to seriously recommit to this project and get my act together? The last thing I want is to alter or damage the client’s ”go live” target date. This is a big deal, and also a contributor to my enormous stress level.
Last but not least (and I’m actually not convinced that there isn’t more), I have to come up with some quality pieces to contribute to The Tridge’s October print issue. Normally, this would be fun and exciting, but at the moment, a HUGE stressor. I have a few things in my arsenal that I could tweak, but is that what I want to do? What I’d really like, is some time to devote to fresh material. Where do I get those minutes?! I have to believe there is relief soon, or I’m simply going to expire. The worst part is, I don’t have any Rolos to get me through this difficult time…Oh, the humanity!!
Peace in the afterlife.
{ September 14, 2008 @ 3:38 pm }
·
{ Random Ramblings }
{ Tags: culture, family, fashion, funny, home, humor, life, love, parents, people, personal, random, random thoughts, relationships, thoughts, women, work, writing }
·
{ }
Happy Sunday to all on this dreary and wet morning. Isn’t it funny how our bodies go into hibernation mode when it is overcast and rainy? I’m sure there is some science to support my claim, but I need to fight the urge to crawl back under my cozy covers and snuggle with my babies. Mmm…what a beautiful thought!
I’m sneaking some web work in before my parents show up for their quarterly visit. Having missed Ryan’s July birthday, I happen to know that they will be stopping at a Toys R Us along the way to pick up a gift. This gives me some added time to do a few things. I’m bracing myself for my father’s reaction to my new red hair. You see, as a Sicilian woman, my natural blond hair is somewhat revered by my father. All of my siblings and cousins are olive skinned with jet black hair and aqua eyes. A very striking combination, to say the least. I was, however, blessed with fair skin and blond hair. I have the coveted eyes, which I am always grateful for!
It will be interesting to see his reaction to my new appearance. One thing I’ve discovered though, is that no matter how old you get, its fun to piss off your parents! Its a consequence-free joy, as there is no pointless grounding, extra chores, or teenage angst. It’s simply the chance to say, “See, I’m a grown-up, and you’ve lost control!!!” Or, maybe it’s just me…but it is fun nonetheless.
Peace and love to all on the last day of the weekend!
{ September 11, 2008 @ 9:40 pm }
·
{ Random Ramblings }
{ Tags: blogging, blogs, culture, family, friendship, home, inspiration, life, love, marriage, men, mental health, personal, reading, relationships, sex, women, writing }
·
{ }
Not too long ago, I got the bright idea to print off all of my blog entries and read through them. My motivation was to hopefully discover fresh, new story ideas to write about. After printing them out, they ended up in the top drawer of my night stand, waiting to be pulled out when I had a free moment. It seems that Hubby’s free moment surfaced sooner than mine, and he had the privilege to read every one of my entries, including the ones about him and the crumbling state of our marriage. Ouch.
After reading about my ex, amongst other things, he wrote me a 5 page letter that conveyed how much he loves me and the kids, his willingness to begin working on our marriage, and the desperation he feels to know where my heart is. Huh. It took a lot of courage for him to put all that down on paper, and even more courage to admit to me that he went through my drawer. Although I’m not a fan of snooping, I have nothing to hide. I’m not angry, but relieved that he knows it all.
We’ve had the best conversations since his heartbreaking discovery, and I believe that everything happens for a reason. Our friendship has resurfaced in the last two days, something I value immensely. We are talking and communicating, sharing and listening. We’ve agreed that there is no need to make any hasty decisions, or take any life changing actions regarding our marriage right now. I am still seeing Magic Doug, and may begin taking meds for my ADHD. Hubby would like to see how it all plays out, and I have to agree. I don’t know if I’m coming or going most of the time, just trying to survive and not hurt the people I love.
I think the smart thing is to go with the flow for now. Hubby is aware that nothing is actually resolved, and I can’t make him any promises of rainbows and sunshine. We will sort it all out together, one way or another. He made the comment that “You will never find anyone better than me.” Well, that certainly didn’t help his case now did it?
{ September 6, 2008 @ 1:19 pm }
·
{ 1 }
{ Tags: culture, family, funny, home, humor, inspiration, life, love, marriage, mental health, personal, random, relationships, shopping, soccer, thoughts, weddings, women, writing }
·
{ }
I am blogging at an unusually early hour on this sunny but cold Saturday morning. The day looms before me, and surprisingly, I am up for the challenge. I was recently encouraged to “just relax,” which is a foreign principle to me. I run on high octane every minute of every day. This idea of relaxation does not come natural, and it terrifies me. However, I am always up for a challenge, and am going to attempt a smooth, calm, non-rushing, happy day. And they all say, “Good luck with that!”
My mother-in-law will be getting married in two weeks, an event that was announced only last weekend. Mary is going to be a flower girl for the first time, and is very excited! Ryan is worried about the number of guests, and has made it clear that he wants no part of the festivities. Basically, he wants to be the wallpaper. This is normal for him, and I respect that. I’m afraid that family members we haven’t seen in a long time will approach him and it will go down hill rather quickly. I’m prepared for damage control, and will stick close by my sweet boy.
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of wedding dress shopping with Judy. This is her second marriage, and she didn’t want to go all lacy, glittery, and foofoo. She asked me to share this day with her as we have the same taste: simply, classy, and elegant. For all the ways we are so different, its neat that we share this preference. To our utter shock and pleasure, the “dream dress” was found in the first store! We had a wonderful sales girl who shared in our joy and laughter. She didn’t comment on Judy’s weight, her age, or the fact that we purchased a white (gasp!!) dress. The dress is perfect, and my amazing mother-in-law looks and feels beautiful, which will only enhance her memories of her wedding day.
Today, we are off to be pinned and altered, as the Big Day is just around the corner. A rolled hem, a three button bustle, and we’re off to the races!
After that, Mary has her first soccer game of the season! She’s been waiting to show her powress on the field since last fall. I’m excited to see her in her element, and will be the loudest parent in the stands. GO MARY!!!
Peace and love to all on this beautiful day! <3
{ September 3, 2008 @ 1:30 am }
·
{ 1 }
{ Tags: aspergers, Autism, children, culture, funny, health, humor, inspriation, kids, life, love, magazines, mothers, Parenting, personal, publishing, random, relationships, thoughts, women, writing }
·
{ }
It was an ordinary night following a beautiful day: The first day of school! I enjoyed some piece and quiet after sending Ryan and Mary off to fourth and first grade. It’s the day I’ve dreamed of for longer than I can remember: Having both kids in school for the full day!
Amazingly, I didn’t expect it to get any better than the best. However, I just got word that another piece of my work was published in The Tridge! Not only that, but it made the front page…at the top…the main feature!
I will tell you why this essay is so important to me. As the parent of an autistic child, I find that not many people understand my daily life as Ryan’s mom. For this reason, I found the need to put pen to paper and give my readers a glimpse. I believe in autism awareness, and I believe that I was chosen by God to be blessed with Ryan. As his parent, I have a responsibility to educate, empower, and encourage others who either don’t understand this epidemic, or are living it daily.
I hope, through my essay, readers will take something away from my experience and show compassion and patience to families and individuals with autism spectrum disorders. It isn’t easy, but so worthwhile!
Read “Ryan’s Mom” at www.thetridge.com.
