I’m not sure what’s happening, but it’s coming over me, taking my drive and focus to a far away land. Here I am, on the brink of achieving all that I’ve worked so hard for and I’m heading into an abyss of self-sabotage. What gives?
I suppose at the root of my current funk is the disillusionment of University education. I expected to be challenged, to expand on my community college education. What I have is boredom, laziness, and the knowledge that I’m almost over prepared for where I’m at. Is it going to be this way the entire time? Am I going to look back and question the monetary investment? I’m hoping that grad school will feed me, as I will most definitely be starving by then.
The high point of my week found me back at Delta. I was asked to guest speak to a class of honors students about my writing, creative process, and so the students could “meet the author.” One of my essays is featured in their Composition II course pack. Included with my essay is a commentary about the development and revision of that piece. I’m proud of my work and feel honored to be included in the teaching process. The students were full of questions and one even e-mailed an essay for my “expert” critique.
While I was conversing with a faculty member, my former Honors Speech professor asked me to speak to her students as well. This group wasn’t as serious and I would even go so far as to call them an unruly bunch. The boys were flirty and kept questioning my age: “Are you seriously 33? I just don’t see it!” As flattering as that is, he took it a bit too far. I handled it well, but hated being in that position. I did get a chance to talk to the students about autism awareness, which is always a good thing!
I stopped by to see a few other friends on the faculty and was met with smiles and hugs. I can’t wait to be done with my education and get into the classroom! I feel so blessed to know so many future colleagues. 
I’ve got to pull out of this mood and push forward, persevere, kick down a few doors! Where is that overachiever that dwells within me? I’m afraid she’s going to tell the world to fuck off. She’s done this before. If you see her, tell her to shut up!
